I’ve met a lot of people from so many different backgrounds at Berkeley, something for which I’m truly thankful. Now I’m being nostalgic. Out of all these people I’ve met, I’ve made just a few great friends- very few, but very valuable. They’re not just party buddies or friends from clubs or classes or semesters abroad who drift away eventually. Freshman year seems like just days ago. We’re going into the last semester of senior year soon and I’m already devastated. Damn it.
Berkeley in two days, Cancun in five. School in two weeks and soon we’ll be initiating the new Wolves. Spring Break seems just around the corner, graduation a few steps away. I don’t know if I’ve learned anything of value.
I am far from being in a good relationship. My mom keeps asking. I don’t know what to say. That I’m being totally complacent with how things are going? That I could change things but I won’t just because? I foresaw myself losing motivation for school, but not for relationships- never for relationships. But somehow I’m okay with what’s going on. I had a very different mindset when I was a sophomore. I like that mindset much more, but it was definitely naive. I didn’t understand why older guys did what they did, but now I do. And it’s not just the guys- it’s all of us. It’s me. It’s me and I’m pretty sure I’m hurting someone. I have to admit that I almost feel entitled to, but that’s just not nice. I remember saying in 2011 that my New Year’s resolution was to improve my communication. I don’t think I succeeded. Even worse, I don’t think I really care so much anymore.
Was that vague? Shit. I worry too much! Things will be fine.
