Shorts

Scattered thoughts!

2011 was much less dramatic than 2010. There was still drama, but I think I grew out of it because I was tired of crying over the same person for so long. I got my ass kicked in 2010, but in 2011 I kicked right back.

And then there was the kind of fun drama that is great for gossip. But this year the gossip involved me, which doesn’t really happen..ever. So that was really interesting and pretty fun because I was just removed enough to be able to laugh about it. 

I destroyed my body in 2011. I started off the year with a sprained ankle that was very problematic for three or four months. I spent six months abroad, eating whatever I wanted and only maintaining the same weight because it was so hot that I sweat it off just walking around. Street food? No problem. Three dinners- no big deal. Noodles and xiaolongbao and shengjianbao and greasy, greasy meat plus some meat mooncakes, oh my! I loved it all, but it had such a significant impact on my body image. Then I came back to the US and worked out a lot more because it made my body feel good and what was I going to do with all the extra time I had because I wasn’t having sex? The new people I met thought I was oh so sporty and that really amused me. But this is good, and I want to maintain it. I also finally started swimming consistently for the first time since high school- hello tan lines!

I learned so much about being a woman. I became a lot more open-minded and learned a lot about myself in regards to body image, sexuality, relationships, and empowerment. I met a group of amazing women to whom I confided things I had never spoken before. I wish I had gotten this experience earlier in college because it would have changed some of the decisions I made, but it’s never too late to learn. I also learned about sexual violence; I remember being so angry that I cried. We all have scars from the past. 

In 2011 I more than tripled the number of guys I kissed, yet had the least sex since I first became sexually active. I didn’t fall in love, but instead fell deeper for someone. Our traveling together for a month was amazing and a huge growing experience. But it’s safe to say that I fell out of love too.

I can’t say I gained a lot academically this past year. Study abroad classes weren’t too stimulating, and I didn’t like most of my classes this semester. This has made me really sad because I don’t think I’ve found my passion. In fact, I think I have less passion than I did in 2010. Working for a grade and not caring about the subject is just too depressing.

2011 was my alcohol year- oh god. We would get drunk so often in Shanghai. I don’t even know how we came out alive. I would stay out till 7 way too often. Our group was definitely the party group. Then I had a respite over the summer while interning, and was back to binge drinking in the fall. Drinking and drinking or drugs every weekend- it was so fun but definitely not good. I blacked out this year more than ever before, so often that it’s not even a big deal anymore. I don’t think I’m completely out of that stage yet, but I’m getting there.

I made a lot of acquaintances and some great friends this year. I’m always amazed by just how different each of my friends is. I like it.

I got really into cooking this year, mainly because I had to do it every week fall semester. I was encouraged by positive feedback, and even got into baking a bit. I became more appreciative of a good, healthy meal. I became more aware of nutrition and its effects on my body, though that doesn’t necessarily affect my binge-eating habits. I’m so excited to be back in my co-op’s industrial kitchen to cook up a storm in a few weeks. There are too many missing ingredients at home.

I spent less time with my family than ever before this year. It’s sad that I’m growing up. It’s sad that as I’m graduating college, my sister is beginning high school. I don’t know how to guide her. High school is such a volatile time and I’m not being the best older sister. Damn. But I do get to spend a whole week with my parents in Cancun very soon. I’m really excited because it seems like we never get to hang out.

And I started so many TV shows this year. Oh wow.

I started 2011 at a rave. Surprise surprise- I’ll be at a rave for the first three hours of 2012. 

That’s it for now. On to TV!